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Now my opponent blocks it with both [c]Acquisitions Expert[/c], a 1/2, and [c]Grey Merchant of Asphodel[/c], a 2/4, and assigns blockers in that order

To prove that point, Scourge of ValkasScourge of Valkas is here to add all kinds of burn damage when your creatures hit the board

Sometimes you get something even more intriguing like amulets or most excitingly a duplicate of a card you own

They are better than Scion since they are harder to answer and then cheaper and then they always will trigger even when your Monarchy has been taken away

Or for that matter, just write that non-EARTH monsters have their ATKs reduced to 0